You've Got Me.
Without any question, I've been working IN the business of PJP more lately than I've come close to working ON the business. (Which is really just a much nicer way to say that I've been baking and doing dishes more than I've been working on any substantive forward motion for PJP). And that's no surprise, given this has been a nagging and persistent problem in my entrepreneurial story. Holla to consistency. (I'm certain this commitment is what landed me on the finalist list for Best Entrepreneur in Inside Columbia's annual contest. Ahem.) And look, I have ZERO solid justification for this problem. I've mentally unpacked it and it boils down to this...I try to do too many things, try to make too many people happy at once, have a boatload of control issues, and feel like if I don't spend every moment at PJP then people will assume I don't care about my business. Goodness, I feel like I need to insert an inspirational quote from Oprah here to balance myself out.
(How does Oprah always know the best way to personal growth? And why can't we stream the Oprah show on Netflix from the very first episode, because I would so be there for that. Can you even imagine the chunks of Oprah wisdom my 20 year old self ignored that my current self would latch on to like a lifeline?)
So, if you are waiting for me to round this up by saying I've made a plan of action and I'll be a whole new person by the spring...NOPE. Sadly not. Even when PJP becomes A THING, I'll still have problems letting others handle the smallest of PJP details. Actually, the thought of someone selecting something as simple as a new pie box makes my eye twitch. I AM THE WORST. Seriously.
But, at least I acknowledge it and I'm certain there is a significant step forward by the simple recognition of areas of struggle...and then dropping them on the Internet, wherein they will exist for eternity. Without question, if Hoda Kotb ever interviews me, she's totally going to quote from this post. (And then we will take a scenic walk and she will ask me how I moved past it all to grow PJP in a multi-national empire and I'll have to tell her that I didn't really move past anything...I just got smarter at figuring out how to do it in spite of all my ridiculous issues and female entrepreneurs will stand in front of their televisions and straight up cheer.)
I may have overthought that last part.
But really. I'm just saying that if you feel like you keep doing the same ridiculous things over and over despite your very best intentions while everyone else in the world seems to be living their best life on the Instagram, you aren't alone. You've got me. And Oprah.