Over the last few days, I've been a hot mess of anxiety for no legitimate reason - (really only for all the reasons I make up in my head). We've been sufficiently busy each day and we have plenty of projects to work on, yet I find myself stewing over how much slower January is than all of the other months.
Perhaps the only thing able to soothe my overwrought and over-imaginative brain today would have been someone calling and ordering 1,000 Jelly Jar pies due no later than 10 am tomorrow. THAT would have turned PJP Buttonwood upside down today. There would have been some panic, an all-night baking schedule, and a generous amount of anxiety as we lidded the last jars against the clock before 10 am tomorrow. I know this because I've lived the exact scenario at least 10 times in the past year.
And all of that said, making exceptionally small lattice tops for cherry Jelly Jar pies at 2 am still sounds preferable to me over thinking "jeeesh...it feels really slow in here today." Which really means that I am an adrenaline junkie who thrives off pressure and anxiety. Which really means that the problem isn't with January, THE PROBLEM IS WITH ME.
Well, that is a sobering thought, isn't it?
I'm sorry, January. I'm sorry I've said I hated you at least eight times in the last week in various forums. Ok, maybe it was more like 12 times. 15 at the most.
I have, at the moment, at least 18 different PJP projects that I would like to work on...or at least spend some uninterrupted time thinking about. And while Jeanne went about tackling one of hers today - a front window display - I only focused on how I couldn't feel productive because we were done baking for the day. Somewhere along the way, I've confused leading our business with simply working for our business. I think it is easy for all small business owners to do...it is just that few people tell you that might happen (and you ignore the ones that do because the whole thing just sounds sort of impossibly ridiculous, right?)
The very honest truth is that focusing on baking is much easier than tackling a long to-do list. Or answering any email from our accountant with the subject line "QUESTIONS". Or trying to figure out a marketing budget and sticking to it. Or doing any of the things I gave myself a pass on for the last eight weeks on the theory that we had a billion pies a day to bake. And now I'm just complaining that we don't have a billion pies a day to bake. Sounds about right.
So this is my long story way of saying that I'm making peace with January. And focusing on my 18 projects.
But if you called tomorrow and ordered 1,000 Jelly Jar pies for Saturday...you know we would say yes. We have made that much peace just yet...