You may not know - and you may not care - but there is an American Pie Council. We’ve known this for a few years now, though largely dismissing the information because neither Jeanne or I excel at organized group membership activities. As we quest to be better versions of ourselves this year, I decided to take another look at membership in the Pie Council because at least we could be assured that there are no mandatory meetings involved since it is a national organization. And look, they publish a newsletter called “Pie Times”. TAKE MY MONEY. (Annual dues are $200 per year. Since we rarely join anything, I’m going to call this a fair price. Does someone want to call me tomorrow and ask me to join something else…I’m tempted, only for comparison sake.)
So really the crowning jewel of the American Pie Council (at least in my opinion) is the annual National Pie Championships. We’ve considered participating in the past, but always convince ourselves otherwise because of concerns about leaving PJP Buttonwood, spending money on travel, and a litany of other self-sabotaging inner thoughts that could use a solid 60 minute appointment with a therapist.
But maybe we are over it this year and we are putting some serious thought into attending and entering our White Chocolate Strawberry, Brown Butter Chess, and German Chocolate pies. Here’s a little breakdown on the pros and cons:
If we won in any category, we would literally talk about it until you wanted to punch us in the face.
It would be really interesting to meet others in our category (retail sales less than $1M per year) in the real world and not just on a curated Instagram feed.
It’s a one day event, with some pie related seminars in the morning prior to judging. We could learn a few new tricks of the trade perhaps.
A few days in Orlando in April never hurt anyone.
We would have fun, because Jeanne and I always have fun wherever we go.
If we lost, OH MY WORD, we would take it so hard. I would be so salty.
Plus, because we live out our lives on the Internet, everyone would know we lost. It would be embarrassing and stressful. Bitter, Party of Two.
Win or lose, my competitive spirit would need a Xanax to keep itself in check over the short time we would be at the Renaissance Sea World hotel. (Also, is Renaissance Sea World a con in itself? Possibly. I’ve seen Blackfish.)
Baking our pies on site seems fairly sketchy, though I don’t know away around it. Do we fly there with our pie dough in a chest cooler?
Finally, what if the provided baking facilities aren’t Jeanne approved and she implodes after inspecting their refrigerator, thereby making the hotel AND the council hate us? And do all the contestants share a kitchen, because Jeanne would cut someone eyeing her dough recipe and that could be awkward.
I’ve created a ONE QUESTION multiple choice survey on SurveyMonkey for your feedback, if you are so inclined: here’s the link.