What I Don't Know...

Let me start this post by alerting you to the news that Netflix has added House Hunters to instant streaming and commercial-free binge watching of the official PJP favorite television show is now possible.  (And if you notice some missing blog posts or a decline in available pies, well, House Hunters.)   And look, House Hunters serves as the perfect distraction from trying to figure out all the things I don't know the answer to lately, mainly:

  1. How the $*%# our electric bill is consistently $450.00 each month?  HOW??  I run around and unplug the appliances we are using with a zeal that would make Al Gore proud and I've succeeded in reducing our bill by .27 cents from last month.
  2. Who determines the price of butter?  The per-pound price has consistently increased each week for the last month and we can only theorize that we are the victims of a vast conspiracy by the butter industry to raise prices as the fall baking season arrives.  I think 60 Minutes should look into this issue immediately.
  3. What day is sales tax due on this month?  I don't even know and I've given up trying to memorize the schedule.  I think since there are 31 days in October and more than two holidays, but less than five, and the last day of the month is on a Friday, then sales tax is due on the 20th.  Or the 30th.  Or the most inconvenient day therein.  Unless the most inconvenient day is a Thursdays, then it is due on a Monday.
  4. Twice in the last week, I've spotted toilets in our dumpster.  Why?
  5. We've received several phone calls regarding the new Tiger Bounce next door to us.  No, I don't know when it plans to open.  No, I don't know their phone number.
  6. I ordered two things from an online site - a box of 9-inch pie tins and a box of baby pie tins.  I ordered them on the same day, in the same order, at the same time.  Both boxes left the shipment facility at the very same time, except one arrived today and the other is still "in transit" and waiting for pickup in Reno.  How is that possible?
  7. Is it possible to have a commercial dishwasher that doesn't eat teaspoons?  Our dishwasher demands we treat small spoons with the care of a newborn baby and for $99.37 a month, I think they should just give me a dishwasher capable of washing whatever I ask of it.
  8. Did you know that on Saturday, I needed to use a shop vac to clean Jeanne off before we could deliver wedding pies?  Did you know that could be an all-time new low for Team PJP?  (On the upside, shop vac-ing someone is much faster than using a lint roller.  Just saying.)
  9. Do we really think we can do 2,000 pies during the week of Thanksgiving?
  10. Do we know what the sales tax amount would be on 2,000 pies?  Is there some sort of special "holiday sales tax" of 5.8% for anything to be consumed on Thanksgiving Day that I don't know anything about, but that will eventually require me to write a check and sign my name to a form?

Because the answers to all of these things elude me, I'm going to queue up an episode of House Hunters, wherein I can be sure that the buyers like walk-in closets, open concept floor plans, and will eventually purchase a house $50,000 over their budget.