Let's talk about lease negotiations. BECAUSE IT IS MAKING ME CRAZY. I really thought we would ride the high of our Thanksgiving baking and coast right into a signed lease and Contractor Steve jackhammering stuff by Wednesday. Things really go more smoothly when people just do what I want them to do, when I want them to do it. I talked with Mel and The Kroenke Group needs financial information. He sent a spreadsheet on over and I looked at it for about 12 seconds before I broke out in hives and closed the email. Then I baked a bunch of pies, celebrated Thanksgiving, had a ton of fun at the Mizzou/Texas A&M game, decorated our Christmas tree, and then thought "OHMYGOSH - I'm supposed to fill that thing out!"
What is it about financial worth statements and asset sheets that make my eyes roll back in my head? I couldn't even answer some of the questions because I didn't even know what they meant (and any question that asks me to refer to "Schedule A" is a question I'm not going to answer). I did the best I could and returned it to Mel, but I really have unfinished business to say about the whole experience, so here you go: (but first, a visual on Stan...it is only fair, right?)
Hi Stan. It's Rebecca. Can we be on a first name basis? I know we don't know each other, but I want to open a pie shop in a small 1,000 square foot spot that you own in Columbia. I've Googled you and realize that you own A LOT of 1,000 square foot spots, so let me clarify and say that I'm talking about the one in Columbia, Missouri. The same town that needs another Target, not another student housing complex.
You sent us over some financial forms and now I have a headache. I have some things you should consider when you review my forms:
- I'm no Excel wizard, so I think I messed up your formatting on that. Sorry!
- I begged, pleaded, and exhausted myself raising $10,000 on Kickstarter. Do you think I have "vested interest in deferred comp"? Dude, I don't even know what that means.
- The fact that a group of your people are going to sit around a table and analyze our forms FREAKS ME OUT. Can I bring a pie or something? Seems like it is going to be awkward. Will people be laughing because we don't have any securities held by a broker in a margin account? (Yeah, I Googled "margin account", Stan).
- Do I have a will? Why do you need to know?
- I think we are blowing this all out of proportion. I want to lease 1,050 square feet from you for $1,500 per month. We've got big plans...big, big, big plans. We have vested interest in succeeding big time. Will that substitute for vested interest in deferred comp?
- Could I just come to your meeting and plead our case? I'm much better in person than on Excel.
Devotedly Yours. Go Nuggets. Go Rams.
I don't know when the round table meeting of the financial gurus is planned. Soon would be really helpful, though. I will not rest until I have Steve and a team of panel van subcontractors at 3601 Buttonwood, Suite E ASAP. (Oh, and Stan? I read your nickname is "Silent Stan". Did you know that one of my nicknames is "Relentless Rebecca"?).
Find more fun Stan facts here: http://www.shortlist.com/entertainment/10-things-you-need-to-know-about-stan-kroenke.
***** In all seriousness, we were so saddened today to learn of the passing of Elaine Rehmer on Friday. Elaine was a Kickstarter supporter, a blog reader, a pie-class attendee, and a delightful person all around. Her happy attitude was infectious and she will be missed. Her family is in our thoughts and prayers.*****