Things That Need To Stop

Things That Need To Stop:

  1. The rising cost of pecans.  Seriously.  According to the U.S. Pecans Association (really), no less than 15 states produce pecans and I'm not aware of any pecan shortage.  If anyone at Dateline is reading this, I think a feature story on pecan price gouging has some serious merit.
  2. The rain.  Obviously.  You know what doesn't help sales on a Tuesday after a holiday weekend?  Drizzle.  You know what doesn't help the frizz in my hair?  A never-ending light mist.
  3. The overuse of the phrase "call to action".  I've had no less than three people say it to me in the last week.  What is my call to action? sell pies?  Is it a trick question?
  4. Illegal dumping of trash in our dumpsters.  I can't think of a legitimate reason why someone can't throw away an empty family pack box of Hot Pockets in their own trash.  Or a legitimate reason why someone buys a family pack box of Hot Pockets.
  5. The CVS debate in Columbia.  PLEASE MAKE IT STOP.  If I were CVS, I would just open 13 stores in other welcoming cities in the time it takes for our city council to have a discussion about one store on a private piece of land.  And then I would say #thanksnothanks and move on to another 13 cities.
  6. Karen, our computer voice Google representative, calling us once a week to update our directory listing.  Does Google really know this is happening?  And does anyone notice that Karen was also the name of Plankton's computer wife on Spongebob Squarepants?  Is that intentional?  Am I overthinking this?
  7. The triplicate copies of the Uline catalogue that come in our mail.  Uline sells everything imaginable and if you have the need for a stop sign, an empty 55 gallon drum, surgical gloves, and a skid steerer, then I would be happy to give you one of the new summer catalogues that arrived today.
  8. The steady stream of bills from Ecolab for the chemical we aren't buying.  I'll hereby refer to this as the Great Standoff of 2015.  I'm curious to see who will win.
  9. The 6x6x3 baby box market monopoly.  I'm making a note to tweet the FTC for a full investigation.
  10. The birds nesting in the lights outside our door.  Each day, they litter straw over our front entrance mat and we vacuum it up.  I'm all for birds and their nests, but I'm going to start charging them Triple Net rent if they don't tidy up after themselves.

I think that is all.  For now...