Prison Orange.

This may not surprise you terribly, but when mail arrives at our house around this time of the year and it is marked "IMPORTANT TAX INFORMATION" on the envelope, I just shove it in the cabinet that houses our crystal champagne flutes from our wedding and say a prayer of thankfulness for Behind-The-Scenes-Tech Guru Jason.  And if you are ever curious about the differences in our personalities, just know that he gets excited over a new version of Turbo Tax.  I, on the other hand, would likely find myself at that odd makeshift tax hut inside the Wal-Mart on the evening of April 15th if I were in charge. So when the PJP accountant emailed me and said she had all the W-2s ready for our employees, I immediately thought..."well, that would have never occurred to me, thank you very much".


When I stopped by earlier today to pick up all the "stuff" she had waiting for me, I stifled a cry for help when I saw a stack of paperwork that was littered with red "SIGN HERE" sticky notes.  Not only did she have W-2s ready, she had about eight billion reports to send to various official agencies.  And 97.8% of those needed a check included before sealing the envelope.  True story.

And right now, you might be thinking "Well, what did she expect?  It is almost tax season, right?  She owns a business, right?  She was a lawyer, right?"  Well, I'll tell you...I did not expect this.  At no point in You've Got Mail did Meg Ryan's character have to be bleeped out when she looked at  her quarterly contribution reports for Shop Around The Corner.

And so if you are here for legitimate business advice, then I'll tell you this:  1)  you are reading the wrong blog, and 2) GET AN ACCOUNTANT.   As someone who wavered over the decision to employ an accountant and analyzed "Business Finances for Dummies" at Barnes & Noble on the theory that I'd be able to figure it out, I am living testament to the reality that whatever it costs, you should employ someone who has conversations about a Form 1099-M without breaking into a terror sweat.  Also, I've watched enough Orange Is The New Black on Netflix to know that I would last 12 minutes in prison before having an emotional breakdown...and no erroneously prepared tax filing is worth that.

So, a huge shout out to Alicia and crew at Accounting Plus.  I don't even know how you deal with clients like me, nor how you remember the 9,241,041 tax rules.  And you are always nice to me when I'm there, as opposed to crying and jabbing holes with your ink pen in the United States Tax Code..which would be legit, in my humble opinion.  I know these next few months will be as stressful as a Thanksgiving baking schedule at PJP, so I'll try to sign my forms and mail my checks with a minimum amount of cursing or foot-stomping or getting on my soapbox about flat tax filing on a postcard.  Consider it my thanks to you for keeping me out of prison orange.