Earlier this evening, Behind-The-Scenes-Tech-Guru Jason asked me how my day was. And rather than launching into a soliloquy of epic proportions, I decided to document it for posterity... 5:50 am: Check email.
6:00 am: Drink coffee while my people still slumber peacefully. Read Buzzfeed and think about nothing.
6:15-7:05 am: Feed my children breakfast. Engage in a lengthy debate about why one needs long sleeves and long pants when the forecasted high is 37 degrees. Explain that I don't know why we don't live in Florida, why winter has to be so cold, or why school has recess when it is cold. Remind myself that one never wins when negotiating with terrorists. Or nine-year old girls about yoga pants.
7:10-7:35 am: Deliver children to school. Look forward to receiving my trophy for "Worst Mother of Year" that I've earned by mandating everyone wear their winter coats into school.
7:45 am: Stop by Hy-Vee for coffee, bananas and Angry Orchard Hard Cider. Realize you can't buy alcohol before 8 am, so purchase bananas and our usual order from Caribou.
7:55 am: Make the baking schedule with Jeanne. Have more orders than what fits on the baking schedule. Freak out the appropriate amount.
8:10 am: Return to Hy-Vee for the Hard Cider. Awkwardly blurt out to the checkout guy that the cider is for a drunken apple pie and not for a possible drinking problem. Feel even more awkward when he doesn't find me funny. At all.
8:15 am: Return to PJP and be alerted to the fact that we need more ribbon for tarts and Jelly Jar packaging.
8:20 am: Choke down my fear of visiting crafting stores and go to JoAnn's. They don't open until 9. Really? Am I the only one with early morning ribbon needs this time of year? Would knocking on the door be unacceptable?
8:22 - 8:40 am: Organize pies on order, bake pies, answer the phone.
8:45 am - 9:00 am: Realize we are out of condensed milk. Return to Hy-Vee for the third time prior to 9:00 am.
9:05 am: Go back to JoAnn's. Break into hives at the mere thought of all the fabric in that place. Pick out ribbon and race to the checkout like a wayward episode of Supermarket Sweep. Get in line behind a woman trying to return ONE EIGHTH OF A YARD of fabric. Think unkind and un-Christmassy thoughts. Consider just paying her for the fabric and then throwing it in the trash if it means she will just be out of my way. Finally pay for the ribbon. Refuse to put the JoAnn's app on my phone, discounts be damned.
9:20 am: Return to PJP with ribbons. Be thankful that Jeanne doesn't mind to be the one that uses the hot glue gun to glue the ribbons to the jars.
9:22 - 10:30 am: Continue to organize pie orders, pay bills, answer the phone, bake pies.
10:31 am: Assist first customer and realize we have no quarters in the cash drawer.
10:34 am: Walk to the bank instead of driving solely for the opportunity to look at Facebook on my phone for five uninterrupted moments. Almost get run over by a semi-truck delivering goods to Big Lots. Realize it is an Ashley Furniture truck and think "huh, I didn't know that sort of thing was in Big Lots". Tell self to reconsider Big Lots.
10:45 am: Bake pies and help customers and answer the phone. In that order. Many times. Many, many, many times.
11:45 am: Unexpectedly argue with Jeanne because our communication styles are completely different when we are stressed out.
12:00 pm: Sit in Jeanne's car and sort out the roots of all evil.
12:25 pm: Eat Orange Leaf that Jeanne goes to get for us once we've made up. Apologize to each other for the things that we said to each other when hangry. Neither of us do very well when hot, hungry, or tired. God help you if we are all three.
1:00-2:25 pm: Think about Jelly Jar orders for Wednesday. Wonder why no one has ever pioneered the concept of allowing a single dose prescription of Xanax.
2:26 pm: Text three members of my Inner Circle and tell them that I'm in no way smart enough to drive the PJP bus to World Pie Domination.
2:30-2:50 pm: Collect children from school. Briefly wonder about whatever happened to the Octomom. Think that finding out would be a great Buzzfeed article.
2:50-3:00 pm: Stop by Caribou for Round 2 of caffeinated beverages. Waste no time feeling any shame about it, either.
3:00-5:30 pm: Bake pies, box pies, order boxes, order stickers, dream of having a PJP Director of Procurement.
5:30-5:45 pm: Wait for a customer in transit from Jefferson City.
5:45 pm - 6:30 pm: Have dinner with my people. We should eat at home, but we eat at Buffalo Wild Wings because the thought of cooking dinner and then cleaning up dinner makes me stabby.
6:40 pm: Feel completely out of control when I arrive home, so I vacuum and start a load of laundry. Because I'm weird and laundry makes me feel calm.
7:00 pm: Analyze homework with 6th grader. Almost suffer near heart attack when realize that said 6th grader needs a rough draft of a paper about rabies and to finish a study guide about Hammurabi. Google Hammurabi. Curse entire 6th grade curriculum.
8:00 pm: Print shipping labels. Marvel at the destination of our Jelly Jar pies. Make a note to buy some stock in UPS.
8:50 pm: Drink large glass of white wine while checking email. See that Netflix has added Flea Market Flip. Think about how much I would like to watch all the episodes of Flea Market Flip. Also wonder how I didn't know that Lara Spencer from ABC is also an interior designer.
9:20 pm: Text bestie. She is righteously indignant about Hammurabi. And study guides. And rabies.
9:50 pm: Crawl into bed and analyze Fit Bit app to see that despite feeling like I walked the circumference of the globe, I actually only made it 9,427 steps. Declare Fit Bit to be completely wrong.
9:54 pm: Blog.
10:30 pm: Watch House Hunters and feel that "mid-century modern" is a completely overused term. Also wonder if anyone at HGTV has analyzed whether there is any statistical truth to the common belief that people on House Hunters pick the house $100,000 over budget. Think to self that this would make a great Buzzfeed article.
11:30 pm: Set alarm. World Pie Domination starts at 5:30 am.